Currently learning how to stop holding grudges and let things go…… I’ll let y’all know how it works out 🤷🏾♂️😏
Depression is an ongoing war. Some days you’ll win the battle and you’ll feel like the war is over…. Some days you’ll loose the battle and feel like all hope is lost. But no matter what, just keep on fighting. Good luck and God bless 👍🏾😊
As I went for a run outside today I realized that exercising makes me sad now. In the past I was always in great shape and capable of doing amazing things physically. But now as my medical issues have depleted my physical abilities, I am no longer able to be in the same physical shape and it makes me sad. I am sad because my pride is hurt. I still find the same enjoyment in exercising but since I can’t achieve the same physical feats my ego has taken a hit. Today I am learning that I need to find happiness in the fact that I can still exercise. I need to learn to be grateful and appreciative of the physical things I am still able to do. And not focus on the negative. I’m trying to be more positive which is something I am not prone to do. But I’m trying….
Defending the “underdog” and being unbiased are two different things, know the difference.
Never be afraid to start something new.
I’m not questioning your existence but I’m wondering where the fuck you been? I need your assistance and guidance, I’m trying find the answers to questions that lie within my soul. I’m asking you to grant my wishes like this is Christmas, and you’re that guy from the North Pole who comes around every December. You already know I live in a constant state of depression, it’s my best friend. My physical health is declining. I feel like some of these doctors are lying or they don’t give a fuck about what happens to me. I thought if I believed in you, you would provide my life with blessings until my dying days. Maybe I’m asking too much of you or maybe I’m being a fool to think that I could use you as my personal wish tool. In fact let’s tell the truth, I’m so consumed and full of myself with my head stuck up my own ass I don’t even notice my own wealth. When I asked for eternal happiness you provided me with two kids. And when I asked for a soulmate you presented one with a twist. Timing is everything and you only show me what I’m ready to see. Patience is the key to unlocking the mysteries that perplex me. When I look back into the past and retrace the path in which I took, I realize you’ve been guiding, I’ve just been to unaware to even look. So I know it’s evident that I have more than enough evidence to prove that you exist. In fact I’ve been looking at it……
The other day I was having a conversation with someone I have the upmost respect and admiration for. During the conversation I questioned, “Why am I a nice person?”. I’m nice because I feel it is the right thing to do. I’m nice because it makes me feel good to do nice things for other people. But if I’m honest with myself, it’s not that often that I’m nice because I genuinely care about other people. Yes, I do nice things for my family and friends, those I deem close to me. I do nice things for them because I cared about them and their well being. But sometimes I do nice things for them because it makes me feel better when I’m down. Give positive energy and you will receive positive energy. Make sense, right?…. I try to be nice because I don’t want to be a mean person. But when I am mean I enjoy it and that scares me a little. I’m nice enough to give someone money at a gas station, but only so they will leave me alone and I don’t have to hear their story. Is that even being nice? It makes you wonder. Does it even matter what the reason is behind a positive action just as long as it has a positive result. Am I really a nice person? Or do I just like the feeling I get when I do something nice for others. Or maybe I’m just fucking crazy as shit, I’m not sure anymore lol.