It’s love I desire. I aspire to find someone you will love me unconditionally for all of eternity. The love I seek is the love you see that happens on tv and lives in Disney movies. In search for my Bonnie, I’m looking for a queen. A woman who will stand by me with more or equal strength. I once believe that my dream was a reality but then time passed by and I realized that stage of my life was only a hurdle on the road of my journey. As I can continue to drive down my path that I have chosen to take, I pray for the day I find her on my way. My life is good without her but with her it could possibly be great. Don’t make the mistake that I need her to supply me with happiness. But if I had one wish I would wish for a woman who loves me beyond our final kiss.
If you could digitally upload your conscious and the consciousnesses of your loved ones so that you all live forever in this reality would you do it?
These past few weeks with the upcoming Marvel’s Black Panther moving approaching it’s release date and all of dark skinned America excited to see a movie that has a majority dark skinned cast, production team, producer, and director; I have been pondering the term “African American”. When we used that term for other people from other nations it is used to describe people who have recently immigrated to the United States of America or for those who are a first or second generation descendants. To note, some Africans do not recognize dark skinned people as being from Africa. Also there is an Australian aborigine tribe that has a direct lineage to Africa but you wouldn’t have thought that since they look different from those with possible direct lineage to Africa who live in America…. Take some time to think about that.
Now we all know the story of the Trans Atlantic Slave Trade where Africans were bought and stolen from the western countries of the African continent and taken to the Caribbean Islands, North, and South America. Yet the culture of those people seem to be different but with some similarities as well. I understand that most of the history of those who shipped to the Americas in the slave trade has been destroyed and distorted. That the cultures and traditions were stripped away from them during that time. So some has been lost and left to speculation. The point I am trying to say (I am probably doing a bad job at it), is that without knowing your exact lineage its hard to know for sure where your direct ancestors originated. One may even argue that we are all one species so to debate where anyone is from is pointless. But the fact is that the word “African American” is just another word used in an attempt to label a group of people. Your skin complexion does not specifically link you to a certain group of humans. By typing this I am in no way shape or form denying any heritage nor am I confused as to the possibilities of my direct ancestors origins. I am only trying to open your mind up to the fact that there is a lot more to the story than we know. History is and will always be written by those in power and control. History will always be used to manipulate the masses into believing whatever those in power want them to believe.
I have attached a link to a video on YouTube by Dane Calloway to this post that has completely opened my mind more than what I had already believe it to be. I accept and know that I do not know everything and I am no where close to understanding the truth. The only thing I do know is that I don’t know anything lol. Never be afraid to think and never be afraid to have an opinion that is different from the majority. In the end we are all just searching for the truth.
Take the time to watch the video and formulate your own opinions.
This is an honest assessment of myself as I navigate the dating world at 30…..
I am so damn lost and confused! I’m not sure if I know what I’m doing at all. And I’m almost certain that everyone else has no fucking clue as well. You see when I meet someone new a million different thoughts goes through my head. I often comtemplate what are the best words to say. How do I say or texted them? Am I speaking too much about myself or am I not asking enough questions? Shit, am I asking too many questions? It may be simple for some but for a person life myself, who over thinks and analyzes every situation, the journey of dating is a wild, unpredictable, and unsuccessful adventure.
I’ve come to learn that I am who I am. As stubborn as that sounds, but I will live and die with the person I see in the mirror. By that I mean I will not play the “game” when it comes to approaching a woman. I have no ulterior motives, such as, me speaking to a women in order to attain sex or sexual pleasures. When I find a woman that I am attracted to and I feel the vibe is right I will engage in conversation in order to become more familiar with her. I want to know who she is on the inside. You see I struggle with small talk. To be honest, most of the time I would rather not speak to people. But when I do speak I like to have meaningful conversations. Unless, I am talking about sports, video games, or rap lyrics lol. I am not a smooth talker. When I speak it’s honest and genuine. I do that because that is what I will like in return. But having this approach can be too much for some. Or I am just pouring it on too much in the beginning. Either way it’s safe to say that when it comes to dating I have a hard time with the first step, and that’s the opening introduction. So you can imagine I don’t get far with most women.
Now to add on to my unusual approach to women I also have two kids and an ex wife. Either of which are a complete turn off for some. A woman will either be ok with me having children but not like the fact that I still have contact with my ex wife or they will not like the fact that I have kids…. Are you confused yet?
To say it’s hard out here for me to date is an understatement lol. Sometimes I wish I could just go on one of those dating shows and have women compete over me. Then again, those don’t seem to work out for people either. I will keep pushing forward and keep my spirits up high. I’m still very optimistic about my dating future. I am also realistic as to my chances of finding someone at this age and stage of my life. Currently my bar is set low. I just want someone I can take out to dinner, watch a movie, and go on trips together. Like is that too much to ask for in this world?
I will keep you all posted about this subject. Hell maybe next time I write about this I’ll have good news. I mean, you never know what may happen right?
My whole life has been one big uphill grind. But all that means is I get stronger as I climb.
As long as you always believe in yourself and minimize the doubts, you will always be on the right path.
I’m on the brink, it’s bad, I’m finally about to snap back into depression. I’m on the verge of relapse. It’s sad, I don’t know why they had to do me like that. It’s facts! The system doesn’t care about my black ass. I crashed. At one moment I was up so high, head up in the sky, chilling on cloud nine. Now I find it hard to even put on a smile. Inside I cry, and on the outside I lie. Walking around pretending that everything is alright. You might read this and be a little surprised. But don’t be, just know that I’ll admit to more than I show. I vent to those who know the feeling. I have a network of supporters and we all help each other fight through the never ending internal struggle. As we all hold our breath praying to keep our head above water. In order to survive the pain that resides you have to dig deep and find the person within that hides and bring the strength out. Because none of us want to die. Never let sadness eat you up inside. Rise!! And for those who do not yet know the feeling, trust me, in due time you too will experience the feeling. But know if I can push through and make it than you to can continue on grinding and living.