I’m trying to find my life partner. Someone I can love for all of eternity. I’m trying to find something real, raw, pure, and true. I’m trying to find you. Where are you?
There are day where I am so tired I rather die so I can get all the rest I will ever need. Days that I am so tired, out of energy that I don’t leave my bedroom. It’s one thing to complain about being tired but it’s another to never feel what full rest is. To never know what it is like to have a ‘good night sleep’. For people living with Idiopathic Hypersomnia this is their life. People with IH can sleep 1 hour or 20 hours and never feel rested, rejuvenated, or energize. It is a rare neurological disorder affecting about 1% of the population. There is currently no cure and very little treatment options. Since the disorder main symptom is excessive daytime sleepiness, stimulants are proscribe to help with the issue. But most overtime get used to the drug so it is only a short term solution. Imagine being tired after doing just a single task in your day and being drained for the rest. With you body feeling like it needs to sleep in order to function, even though you just woke up four hours ago. Even as I type this I am struggling to maintain focus to finish.
This disorder is a lifelong crippling, disabling disease. The public awareness about it is extremely low and it makes sense for it to be. No one wants to hear about a disorder that makes people sleepy all day. The stigma that goes along with IH is that people are just lazy, unmotivated, are weak minded. But think of yourself when you’ve gone almost 24 hours without sleep. Now think about how you function… That is how a person with IH lives their life on a daily basis. The constant brain fog and autonomous behavior. The constant struggle to stay awake at work or at school. Life in this world is already hard enough without a neurological disorder weighing down on your life.
People with IH also suffer from abjectly and depression. Depression being a huge issue. Feeling hopeless and agitated all at the same time. To feel trapped in your own mind and a prisoner of your own body. Trying to forever escape the tired zone that is your existence. Of course very few can comprehend and understand. I’m not sure the world will ever accept IH as a serious disorder. But I write this for myself and the others out there who suffer from it to let them know that they are not alone. That there are others out there with it and who understand. We are all in this fight together. And we all take on this fight one day at a time…. Continue to fight your battle!
Depression is a bitch!!!
Check out my Instagram account, @d_jack22, for more content. I post a lot of pictures, videos, and meme on there. I also have links to my YouTube channel as well. Enjoy 😊
Don’t strive to have a 9-5 job. A high paying salary and a great career won’t bring you happiness…. Instead strive to have strong connections with the people you love. Strive to explore the world. Strive to own your own business. Strive to be the creator and master of your own reality.
A while back I went out to a bar with a friend. Just a night out to drink and chill. Nothing special in mind, just good vibes and a good time. As the night went on a notice a few women that have caught my eye. There are pretty women and I like the way they move. I appreciate women who can dance since my “two step” is not that great and that’s my best move. I noticed a woman chilling with her friend. There was just something about her, the way she looked, her vibe, everything I liked. I stood there, possibly staring, in a deep thought thinking what I was going to say to her. Now there’s nothing smooth about me. I can be charismatic and funny but that’s it. I have a sarcastic humor and I know I can come off as an asshole. I’ll admit that and I’m okay with that as well. So after about a minute I work up the courage to say something to her. She had on a shirt of a 90’s sitcom show, which is a style I wear quite frequently. So I could already tell that we had similar mindsets. The shirt was of a show that I never liked though, so I went up to there and said, “Hey, you like that show?”. She replied, “Yea, I love it.”. Then I followed with, “I hate that show.”. And that people is why I say I can be an asshole sometimes. Or maybe I’m just to honest for my own good. Either way it worked. She laughed and we started talking about tv shows and other stuff. Now, I know I am a little slow when it comes to women but over the past few years I have been learning more about which signals to notice from women. I could tell she was interested and enjoying herself. We talked and dance the rest of the night. A couple hours later the bar comes to a close and now it’s time for the aftermath. I already have her number so there is no reason to keep talking. I had a successful night so I can just go home. But I really liked this woman and I wanted to spend more time with her. So I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat and she said yes. Awesome!! We get to the restaurant sit down and eat. We talk and laugh some more for another hour. Then we said our goodbyes. I gave her a hug and told her I would text her the next day, to which she said she would text me back…….
As I got home I texted her and told her I made it home safely. I asked if she did as well. I got no reply. Which is fine, she was probably super tired so I understand. Later on that day I decided to text her against my friend’s advice. He told me to play the “3 Day Rule” which I thought was just dumb. Seeing as we had a good time last night, I didn’t want to play any mind games, and I wasn’t worried about appearing to eager or excited. Plus I already gave her my word I would. I texted her and said I was glad I met her and that I would like to take her out sometime. A few minutes go by and no response. No big deal though, we all have busy lives and I know she doesn’t want to come off as too excited so she’s going to wait to text me back. But then a day passes, then another, then another, then all of a sudden its been five days.
Now at this point I try not to go DFCON 1 and freak out. It’s not often I meet women I like. I’m extremely picking and that’s def the reason why I’ve been single for so long. It takes someone I deem special to catch my eye. But this woman I thought was sent from God. She was everything I wanted in a woman. I was deep into my feelings when she didn’t respond back to me. I mean like, Drake and Ella Mai, deep into my feelings. My head was running wild with thoughts. I questioned the whole night. I wondered if I said something wrong or done something stupid I just don’t remember. I thought maybe she didn’t like my car. I drive a Chevy Trax, I know it’s not the most manly car but I am a single parent so I need room for groceries and other stuff. Then I thought maybe she didn’t think I had any ambition because I said I just wanted a 9-5 job. Or the fact that I said I don’t have a job at all. That could have been a definite deal breaker. I told her I recently got out of the Air Force and I received a severance check plus VA benefits so I don’t have to work right now. I just want to be a parent and a full time student. Maybe she didn’t like that. Then I thought, what if she didn’t remember my name, and she didn’t save it in her phone when I gave her my number. So I did what any person would do who’s being emotional and irrational, I looked her up on social media and followed her. LOL!. A move I hoped would get her to notice me and remember me. Then I sent another text. A meme of the show she liked to try to remind her of the spark we had. Those who know me know I don’t go out my way to communicate. I barely call or text my family and close friends. I am not a person to pursue a woman as well, at least not to this extent. They all seem special but she stands out the most. All that and still no response form her. I don’t know why…. All I know is I’m left here questioning myself and the situation way to fucking much. I’ve never had someone just not text me back but I have had women “ghost” me before. But for some reason this is really getting to me. I can be sensitive at times. I’ve been rejected tons of times before just like every other guy but this one really got to me. My friends tell me that it’s just a girl from the bar who cares, or that I shouldn’t hope for anything to come from it. They tell me to just be patient and wait. But in this day and age of technology where you can communicate within an instant, is it wrong to expect a response after a few days?
As I write this and share my story I think to myself, should I keep trying? Should I just let it go? I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to keep living my life and continue to be me. If the universe sees it fit for us to cross paths again then so be it. And if not, well that is fine too. I realize that I am on a journey to find my soulmate, my companion, my life partner. There will be many stops, bumps, and setbacks on this road. But that’s all apart of the journey. I enjoy it……. Sometimes. Who knows, I might right a continuation to this story and turn it into a great love tale. Just saying LOL.
Every now and then you have to sit back, look at your life, and realize how great you are….. Like damn, I’m fucking amazing. Just saying 😏