If you really want to know if someone truly loves you, pissed them off and see what their actions are then.
It all started with a 9/11 documentary called Loose Change. I’ve always had questions of the infamous incident from the day I saw it. I was in my freshman year of high school at Georgoe Jenkins. It was 2nd period and I was falling asleep in my Spanish class. So basically just another typical day of school. Then my teacher got a phone call. She said it was from her relative who lived near New York City, I believe. She was told to turn on the tv and watched the news. Something unbelievable was happening. She changed to a news station and there we saw live coverage of a tall building on fire. The reports were that a plane crashed into it. Now I’ll be honest, my first thought was, this can’t be real. How can you hijack a plane and then fly it into one of the biggest buildings in the world. How simple is that shit? To me it didn’t take much of a planning process to come up with that idea. Also, why didn’t they just shoot the planes down?….. So we continued to watch and then another plane hit the buildings. It was like watching a B rated horror movie with bad graphics. But this was oh so very real. After a while both buildings collapsed. I had no expression on my face nor did I feel much emotion at the time. I only remember thinking, how does two towers just fall like that. It didn’t make sense to me. I mean, I played Jenga before and the blocks don’t usually fall until you pull too much from the bottom…. I didn’t think much of it after that. I also didn’t speak out loud to anyone about it either. I didn’t want anyone to think I was some kind of crazed lunatic. Which brings me back to the movie. It opened my eyes. It let me know that I wasn’t the only one who thought something seemed weird. After watching it I became fascinated with “conspiracy theories”. I felt an overwhelming feeling to find out what else in history is not what it seems. I wondered if the government can tell a bold face lie about who was behind the 9/11 attacks and what the purpose of the attacks were then what else in history can the “official” story be false.
I researched one thing on the Internet and it lead me to another and another. I felt like Neo when he first saw The Matrix. I began a journey down the rabbit hole in which I can never climb back out of. The blinds were pulled up and light began to shine into the dark room of my mind. I became more enlightened about the decisions and stories that were and still are taught in our classrooms. We have been lied to for countless years about major events that have shaped our existence. Which is the main reason why they have push forth the false information. Look at all the laws and regulations that have come about since 9/11. Look at what happened after Pearl Harbor and the Gulf of Tonkin incident. The aftermath of those “attacks” shaped a generation of people. If you look even further back into our past and around the world there are numerous accounts of misinformation that was given to the public to sway or change opinions. Information used to enslave us. But inside each and everyone of us is that yearning feeling to discover the truth. To find out what really happened and more importantly why did it happen.
Love….. Those electrical signals that start in the brain and sent through our neurons to other parts of our bodies. The key component behind our desire to find a mate and procreate. Scientifically that’s the purpose of love, is it not? Truthfully I do not understand love. I know what has been told to me since I was a child. I know what Dinsey movies say about love and fiary tales that always have a happy ending. But how do I define love? What is it to me? I don’t know. That might be a hard answer for some to get but it is the best honest response. There’s far too much influence from society portraying images of love upon us. First they tell us love is between a man and a woman. Or the love a parent feels for their biological child….. Wait….. In the past few decades this concept has been turned upside down. People love their adopted children as much as they love their biological. Now there is love between a man and another man as well as between two women. So disregard the previous theory. Who defines love then? Do we really know what love is? Once you strip away all the stereotypes and false images you will begin to find the answer. Love is love. It’s a state of being. Everything else are just choices made based on our perceived emotions through a chemical reaction at the time. We are 3 dimensional beings who live and thrive in the present. For example, I love my wife and kids. That’s a given, correct? But if I told you that sometimes I don’t like them then you would say I am a horrible person. You would then come to believe that I do not love my wife. Also you would think that I am a heartless person who does not care for his kids either. Wrong! I love them. Not based on any emotions are other senses and reactions from the brain. I love them based on something that we as human can not explain. Anytime I have an argument or something negative happens then my emotions take over. Thus anything that is said for felt at the time can not be trusted because my true self is not making any decisions. We are constantly clouded by misinformation on a daily basis. Our brains tells us thing that we think we know. We have been so manipulated throught out our lives that is almost damn near impossible for us to make clear decisions based on thought. But when dealing with love I trust my actions, my gut feelings, my instincts, my intuition. That unexplainable thing that guides us through our lives. Call it a spirit, God, Allah, Jehovah, or whatever name you need to. But it is there in which love exists. We all have doubts. I doubt if I love my family and my friends. I’m sure they doubt if they love me as well. But there will be certain moments in our lives where a choice will be made and that choice will be determined by love. When I think about if I love my wife I don’t think about my current state of emotions. No, I go back to the night on the wooden swing in her parents front yard, when we discuss about getting married. My parents did not think it was a good idea and a few hours before I had an argument with them. My wife asked was I certain about getting married and I hesitated. Not because I didn’t want to. Not because my family was mad. But because at that moment I felt something in which no words can describe. A calmness. I knew I was simply making a choice. Nothing more and nothing less. That moment didn’t determine my love for either of them because it already was. My existence of love for them just is. It can never be taken away. When I think about my children I think about the moment they were born. I didn’t question if I Ioved them. It just was. Think of a dog, how he loves the family that he is with. They don’t think or act upon the many different emotions you display. When you scream or punish them for peeing on your carpet. They don’t think about any of the negative choices that have been made. They only know love. It’s simple for them yet complicated to us. Why? How come we do not understand love? What are we doing wrong? My life experiences and the journey I am on has brought me to this conclusion……. I do not understand love and in this physical reality, I never will. And that’s ok. I can only try to learn more about the world and put forth effort into the people around me. Why complicate life when at its core it is just simple.
The idea of family has long been forgotten in today’s culture. People no longer grow up around a family foundation. Then once someone reaches adulthood they are encourage to leave their home and move far away to begin their journey in the world. The structure of family is not based on the amount of members or the sexual orientation but it should be based on a group of individuals that are bound together. A group that is committed to being there for each other throughout the entirety of their lives. Unfortunately the influence we see that is being portrayed in our culture is that family consists of only a few individuals and they feel forced to be in the relationship. You have siblings and cousins that are close when they are kids but become so distant when they get older. Sure people grow differently and choices are made. Goals and interest change but that shouldn’t change the relationship in the family. The family is the foundation for our species. It’s where we pass on values, stories, and love through the generations. We are told that blood is thicker than water. An ideology that I believe is irrevelant. Once a memeber is established as a part of your family then they can never be replaced or pushed out. Only new additions can be made. The family should be a strong foundation. A stronghold that no outside person can break. Neither should there be any internal struggles be allowed too. It is the responsibility of every memeber of that family to support each other and protect each other. Influences from outside precense will always be around. There will always be people who are jealous and envious. I will not call them enemies, just people that are lost and in search for something they can have of their own. Those people are around and they can be disguised as anyone. That’s why no matter what you and your family stand strong together. The government is not a supporter of the family. They legalize marriage even though it is a thousand year old tradition. Only to tax and make profit from it. They allow divorces, which is an even longer process, as another way to create revenue. We see different lineups of on TV of what a family is and what a family can be. But people misunderstand that television main purpose is to entertain and manipulate the masses. So don’t trust what you see on TV at times. I am not saying that it is wrong or unhealthy to have a single parent family household or adopt kids. I believe that all efforts, time, and energy should be spent on the family first before anything else. If this is done then many of the problems in our present day world will be eliminated. Such as, depression, bullying, low self esteem, and other psychological problems that are based upon the environment in which you were raised. So take the time now to make the change in your life to be more connected to your family, immediate and extended.
Last year around July I started to noticed that I was falling asleep while commuting to work. Ok, no big deal. I assumed it made sense because I knew I was working a lot. I know my hours are at times not normal. The life of a shift worker is crazy. But I thought that I just needed more sleep. Then a couple of months went by and I realized that I was still tired no matter what. Even after a long night of rest I still found it hard to believe that there was something wrong with me. But after countless nights struggling to sleep and still feeling restless I decided to see my doctor. He told me that he did not believe I had sleep apnea. I was not overweight and I am too young to have it. Either way I felt something was wrong. So I asked to see a sleep specialist. After a couple of appointments and some sleep study tests he diagnosed me with Idiopathic Hypersomnia. A neurological disorder where a certain chemical in your brain is produced too much and causes you to always feel tired. It causes excessive daytime sleepiness. It’s similar to narcolepsy. Some studies say it effects 5% of the population. I know, when I first heard him say it I thought it was some made up bullshit too. He told me to go home and research it. He also prescribed me with medication to take to help treat the disorder though there is no known cure for it. When I did some research about it I was not too sure of it. But when I saw a video on YouTube of people describing their lives and personalities it finally hit home. I knew exactly what they were feeling. I could relate to their stories as well. I never knew that I had a disorder. I honestly believe I can never be hurt physically or have some type of disease or disorder. I think a part of me still feels that way. To think that my whole life when I slept all the way through high school there was something wrong with me. Or all the times someone called me lazy, I had a legit medical excuse. Even being late to work is because I suffer from this disorder….. Honestly I feel that this disorder has effected me my whole life but not being aware of it I have found different ways to not let it control my life. Yes I was diagnosed with it in December 2014 but now I feel like sharing it. I think I have just came to terms with it. I recently had a doctors appointment this week and I saw a pamphlet and a flyer for the Hypersomnia Foundation. Reading about the upcoming conference in Georgia forced me to come to the realization of what I have. Now I am ready to open up and talk about it. Below is a link that provides some information about it. If one person reads this and they are help in any way by this then I did my part in this world.
The worst advice to ask for is any advice dealing with a relationship. You can not ask someone to give you advice on something that is so subjective. You’re requesting the person put themselves in your shoes and determine what they would do. That’s damn near impossible. Not only does everyone feel and react differently in relationships but also because decisions are made based upon all of the facts and information. Which is most likely not given because there is way too much to say. It might seem like a simple question when asked but it is a difficult task for the person answering. Truthfully when someone asks for advice they are really doing two possible things. They are either looking for confirmation on their decision or perspective. Or they are just venting some frustration and asking for someone to listen. No matter what there really is no point in asking. The best option is to talk to the other person in the relationship. Open up a healthy dialogue. One that consists of two way communication and active listening.