It never ceases to amaze me to see so many people fail to realize that they have the power to control and change their reality. But instead they place blame on others for their fucked up situations. In order to have a better life you must first choose to create and work for one.
I’m trying to escape the stress of work before I go berserk in that place that I hate. I swear they are driving me insane. I need to get away, ride off into the sunset or take a trip that’s far and requires me to use a plane. I want to escape society and all the atrocities that is displayed on the news and social media daily. Everywhere you look there’s always pain and suffering but never any answer to the question of “Why is this happening?”. I’m beyond frustrated. My blood pressure is already elevated from a mystery heart condition that doctors have not yet evaluated correctly because no one is paying attention to a god damn thing that’s right in front of them. You pray for a sign but ignore what is presented to your eyes and mind. In this life we use substances as a tool to get us high just so we can try to get by with the daily routines in which we call our “life”. Surprise, surprise this can’t be life. So I’m looking for a place to run away to and hide. Maybe I can escape somewhere within in the depths of my own mind. Find peace and tranquility which exists in my own subconscious. Search my soul for a place I call home. I know the only drug that we need to use to escape is LOVE. It will always help you get through.
I’m trying to escape the stress of work before I go berserk in that place that I hate. I swear they are driving me insane.
I wish I could be home for the holidays. I’m sad to say that its not happening. I feel bad for all the sadness my absence will bring. If I could take it all back I would. But maybe this has all happened for a reason to bring about change and mend the broken bridge that was created in my family. When they open up their gifts tomorrow I know my presents may not be perfect but the thought and love I put into each gift I want you to know it signifies my endless love for you and the kids. There will never be enough words in any human language to describe how much I love yall and how bad this hurts, shit. I swear I will always try to be there and cherish every moment for the rest of our existence. I can not change the past but I can make a choice in the present that will echo waves into the future. So when these words are read please hear my voice in your head and keep my love in your heart. Forgive me for us being apart. I love yall! ❤️❤️❤️
A minimalistic mentality with a resource based economy could change our society for the better, instantly!
If you haven’t noticed by now that our government is just one big corporation conducting business….. Then you haven’t been paying attention at all.
Two years back, as I was running around that track, I felt the pain and stress in my chest during that test. Only to find out I had a heart attack. One doc told me I was to young for that. Another said the test was wrong, my EKG is just weird because I’m black…… Yea, I had to laugh at that. So you telling me your PhD gave you all that knowledge just to make that assumption. The other doctor told me I had a heart problem but failed to explain anything while another said it was a mild heart attack. Meanwhile I ask google what these words mean and NIH and Wikipedia explained everything. All the thoughts I had going on inside my brain I would have never imagined this being a possibility. To have a bad heart before the age of thirty. I had to explain this to my kids. But I’m not ready to leave. Doctors tell me not to worry because they don’t see anything but the test says otherwise, I’m counting at least five, that says my heart is bad. So why do they lie? The reality is they don’t even care. Ignore the simple facts just to get me up out of there. But this is my life and I’m gonna fight. I’m paying attention to the signs. I’m not going out like Kimbo Slice and countless others. No drugs were found in his system, his stomach was hurting so he checked himself into a hospital for medical assistance. Then come to find out his heart is failing and he needs a transplant asap or else he’ll be living six feet deep in the graveyard wishing he would have asked more questions during all his physical appointments. They don’t check shit and dismiss what your saying. I’ve complained for years about shortness of breathe and stomach ache only to be push aside. They looked at my outward appearance and said “Wow, your a skinny guy!”. I’m hurting inside but your worried about the outside now years have past and I’m question how long I will stay alive. My pride tries to hide any fear that may reside, to be honest, I didn’t even cry. Too cocky to believe that I’m going to die but not to stupid enough to monitor my heart. Look at my diet, I can no longer do the same exercises that got me my physique. I work out like a 60 year old lady. This shit ain’t even funny but I laugh at my own jokes to hide the sadness. What really makes me piss is how these doctors never gave a shit. I’m sitting in the office arguing with them, asking them to explain the results I see. Because I’m know dummy and I’ve been doing my homework to know what these words are. It’s a shock sometimes that I’ve even made it this far. I’m working my life away just to pay for my car, the rent, and all of my bills. You have to wonder at times, is this what life is for real? I cherish every moment I spend with loved ones, friends, and my kids because you don’t know how long any one of us has to live. And when I do die, I leave behind a legeacy that lives on in Myles and Sydney. I’m thinking Lindsey doesn’t give a damn about me, when I’m gone all she’s gonna ask is, “Where’s the insurance money?”. It’s all too funny and I don’t blame her. I’m no longer harboring any anger towards anybody. I’m making my peace with all of humanity, trying my best the be the greatest human being I can be. And when that time comes, whether I’m 29 or 85, I’m going out like a “G” with my head held high. I’ll say goodbye to Robert and Bivins, and all of my family and friends. I hope they forever remember me like a legend……………
Naw fuck that I don’t know what I was thinking by even writing this shit. I have too many goals left that I need to accomplish. Kids I need to raise and people I need to save. Today’s not the day and neither is tomoorow. Death is right around the corner I can see him in the distance. But I’m looking dead into his eyes, screaming, IM NOT READY TO DIE. PEACE BITCH!!!!