Love can be described by science as a biological and neurological chemical reaction…. But real love doesn’t bring a sense of excitement or a temporary high. Real love gives you a sense of tranquility, a sense that all is right and calm in the universe. Real love brings joy and pain all while remaining emotionally stable. Never letting your emotions takeover. It took me my whole life (31 years) to understand that. Now I have the rest of my life to get it right lol.
I want you to love me like 90’s R&B, as we bump and grind under the sheets while listening to R.Kelly.
A while back I went out to a bar with a friend. Just a night out to drink and chill. Nothing special in mind, just good vibes and a good time. As the night went on a notice a few women that have caught my eye. There are pretty women and I like the way they move. I appreciate women who can dance since my “two step” is not that great and that’s my best move. I noticed a woman chilling with her friend. There was just something about her, the way she looked, her vibe, everything I liked. I stood there, possibly staring, in a deep thought thinking what I was going to say to her. Now there’s nothing smooth about me. I can be charismatic and funny but that’s it. I have a sarcastic humor and I know I can come off as an asshole. I’ll admit that and I’m okay with that as well. So after about a minute I work up the courage to say something to her. She had on a shirt of a 90’s sitcom show, which is a style I wear quite frequently. So I could already tell that we had similar mindsets. The shirt was of a show that I never liked though, so I went up to there and said, “Hey, you like that show?”. She replied, “Yea, I love it.”. Then I followed with, “I hate that show.”. And that people is why I say I can be an asshole sometimes. Or maybe I’m just to honest for my own good. Either way it worked. She laughed and we started talking about tv shows and other stuff. Now, I know I am a little slow when it comes to women but over the past few years I have been learning more about which signals to notice from women. I could tell she was interested and enjoying herself. We talked and dance the rest of the night. A couple hours later the bar comes to a close and now it’s time for the aftermath. I already have her number so there is no reason to keep talking. I had a successful night so I can just go home. But I really liked this woman and I wanted to spend more time with her. So I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat and she said yes. Awesome!! We get to the restaurant sit down and eat. We talk and laugh some more for another hour. Then we said our goodbyes. I gave her a hug and told her I would text her the next day, to which she said she would text me back…….
As I got home I texted her and told her I made it home safely. I asked if she did as well. I got no reply. Which is fine, she was probably super tired so I understand. Later on that day I decided to text her against my friend’s advice. He told me to play the “3 Day Rule” which I thought was just dumb. Seeing as we had a good time last night, I didn’t want to play any mind games, and I wasn’t worried about appearing to eager or excited. Plus I already gave her my word I would. I texted her and said I was glad I met her and that I would like to take her out sometime. A few minutes go by and no response. No big deal though, we all have busy lives and I know she doesn’t want to come off as too excited so she’s going to wait to text me back. But then a day passes, then another, then another, then all of a sudden its been five days.
Now at this point I try not to go DFCON 1 and freak out. It’s not often I meet women I like. I’m extremely picking and that’s def the reason why I’ve been single for so long. It takes someone I deem special to catch my eye. But this woman I thought was sent from God. She was everything I wanted in a woman. I was deep into my feelings when she didn’t respond back to me. I mean like, Drake and Ella Mai, deep into my feelings. My head was running wild with thoughts. I questioned the whole night. I wondered if I said something wrong or done something stupid I just don’t remember. I thought maybe she didn’t like my car. I drive a Chevy Trax, I know it’s not the most manly car but I am a single parent so I need room for groceries and other stuff. Then I thought maybe she didn’t think I had any ambition because I said I just wanted a 9-5 job. Or the fact that I said I don’t have a job at all. That could have been a definite deal breaker. I told her I recently got out of the Air Force and I received a severance check plus VA benefits so I don’t have to work right now. I just want to be a parent and a full time student. Maybe she didn’t like that. Then I thought, what if she didn’t remember my name, and she didn’t save it in her phone when I gave her my number. So I did what any person would do who’s being emotional and irrational, I looked her up on social media and followed her. LOL!. A move I hoped would get her to notice me and remember me. Then I sent another text. A meme of the show she liked to try to remind her of the spark we had. Those who know me know I don’t go out my way to communicate. I barely call or text my family and close friends. I am not a person to pursue a woman as well, at least not to this extent. They all seem special but she stands out the most. All that and still no response form her. I don’t know why…. All I know is I’m left here questioning myself and the situation way to fucking much. I’ve never had someone just not text me back but I have had women “ghost” me before. But for some reason this is really getting to me. I can be sensitive at times. I’ve been rejected tons of times before just like every other guy but this one really got to me. My friends tell me that it’s just a girl from the bar who cares, or that I shouldn’t hope for anything to come from it. They tell me to just be patient and wait. But in this day and age of technology where you can communicate within an instant, is it wrong to expect a response after a few days?
As I write this and share my story I think to myself, should I keep trying? Should I just let it go? I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to keep living my life and continue to be me. If the universe sees it fit for us to cross paths again then so be it. And if not, well that is fine too. I realize that I am on a journey to find my soulmate, my companion, my life partner. There will be many stops, bumps, and setbacks on this road. But that’s all apart of the journey. I enjoy it……. Sometimes. Who knows, I might right a continuation to this story and turn it into a great love tale. Just saying LOL.
Her hearts broken, she’s so confused. Trying to figure out her next move but she doesn’t know what to do. The dude she loved is gone, no longer is he around. Sadness is a permanent cloud that hangs over her head now. Raining down, her tears fall to the ground. She ponders if she will ever wear anything again that isn’t a frown. A blow to the chest the pressure makes it hard to breathe. The news caught her off guard, she had her suspicions but she’s in disbelief that this is happening. The ending of a relationship with the man she once thought she would call husband. Over a small but important decision that altered the lives of two human beings.
Through the struggle and depression a diamond surfaced or like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon to see the sunlight, she arose a new person. She holds her head up hide. Never let a guy or woman hold your happiness hostage. You are the ruler of you own existence. Be proud of the person you are because I’m proud to call you my friend. May you never let anyone ever bring you down again.
It’s love I desire. I aspire to find someone you will love me unconditionally for all of eternity. The love I seek is the love you see that happens on tv and lives in Disney movies. In search for my Bonnie, I’m looking for a queen. A woman who will stand by me with more or equal strength. I once believe that my dream was a reality but then time passed by and I realized that stage of my life was only a hurdle on the road of my journey. As I can continue to drive down my path that I have chosen to take, I pray for the day I find her on my way. My life is good without her but with her it could possibly be great. Don’t make the mistake that I need her to supply me with happiness. But if I had one wish I would wish for a woman who loves me beyond our final kiss.
This is an honest assessment of myself as I navigate the dating world at 30…..
I am so damn lost and confused! I’m not sure if I know what I’m doing at all. And I’m almost certain that everyone else has no fucking clue as well. You see when I meet someone new a million different thoughts goes through my head. I often comtemplate what are the best words to say. How do I say or texted them? Am I speaking too much about myself or am I not asking enough questions? Shit, am I asking too many questions? It may be simple for some but for a person life myself, who over thinks and analyzes every situation, the journey of dating is a wild, unpredictable, and unsuccessful adventure.
I’ve come to learn that I am who I am. As stubborn as that sounds, but I will live and die with the person I see in the mirror. By that I mean I will not play the “game” when it comes to approaching a woman. I have no ulterior motives, such as, me speaking to a women in order to attain sex or sexual pleasures. When I find a woman that I am attracted to and I feel the vibe is right I will engage in conversation in order to become more familiar with her. I want to know who she is on the inside. You see I struggle with small talk. To be honest, most of the time I would rather not speak to people. But when I do speak I like to have meaningful conversations. Unless, I am talking about sports, video games, or rap lyrics lol. I am not a smooth talker. When I speak it’s honest and genuine. I do that because that is what I will like in return. But having this approach can be too much for some. Or I am just pouring it on too much in the beginning. Either way it’s safe to say that when it comes to dating I have a hard time with the first step, and that’s the opening introduction. So you can imagine I don’t get far with most women.
Now to add on to my unusual approach to women I also have two kids and an ex wife. Either of which are a complete turn off for some. A woman will either be ok with me having children but not like the fact that I still have contact with my ex wife or they will not like the fact that I have kids…. Are you confused yet?
To say it’s hard out here for me to date is an understatement lol. Sometimes I wish I could just go on one of those dating shows and have women compete over me. Then again, those don’t seem to work out for people either. I will keep pushing forward and keep my spirits up high. I’m still very optimistic about my dating future. I am also realistic as to my chances of finding someone at this age and stage of my life. Currently my bar is set low. I just want someone I can take out to dinner, watch a movie, and go on trips together. Like is that too much to ask for in this world?
I will keep you all posted about this subject. Hell maybe next time I write about this I’ll have good news. I mean, you never know what may happen right?
What happened to us? What happened to you? Things seemed so right, you were the love of my life. Then shit went wrong and now I can’t even stand the sight of you. I’m wondering was I the fool to even fall in love with you. I thought it was going to be us against the world, just us two! I loved you more than I could ever admit to. I thought we would be together forever. That’s what marriage is suppose to be. But it didn’t work out, no reason to place blame or bother with apologies. The past is the past, it’s just that, history. We both moved on but it still seems like a sad love song or story. So much love held and now it’s gone……