As I lookup, I happen to notice that we’ve locked eyes yet again. This is about the 5th time since that we have been caught looking at each other while working out in this gym. I get the since that my intuition is telling me that we have a chemistry which we can see. Call me crazy or maybe I’m just imagining something that doesn’t exist. It could be my own ego or wishful thinking, hoping that our attraction will come into a physical existence. Maybe one day one of us might take the next step and make an approach in hopes that the other is single.
I used to be like you, foolish and insecure. Unsure of my existence with no control of my emotions. A lack of vision that couldn’t see into the future, forgot the past, and unaware of my present. Living in ignorance, what a blissful inhabitance. Afraid of the world until I grabbed it by the neck and took control of it all. Now I have nothing but respect for the person that reflects back when I look at the glass. A man among boys, a king with no queen. A ruler of his own kingdom from now until eternity.
I lie awake in my bed because all I think about is you. Wondering if you’re thinking about me too. I can’t sleep because in my dreams all I see is you. The choice that I made was something I had to do. Now I’m left with just the pain and memories, knowing that I will always miss you. But time heals all wounds.
I was there for you. I stayed by your side. I was the epitome of a “ride or die”. But your pride took over and you forgot who was your #1 supporter. I imaged that we would grow older together now that pipe dream is gone and I’m left to wonder what could have been. You were more than my best friend, more than my lover, the love of my life… At least that’s what I thought when I went to sleep at night. What the hell was I thinking? Did love have me so blinded that I ignored the flashing red signs, I couldn’t see the logic behind all of this. But love is irrational so it all makes sense, that holding on to you for so long was stupid. It’s true what they say, love makes you do some dumb shit. Even though the “love” you had made you not choose me. So I finally get it, love is just another decision that someone makes and some people don’t appreciate it. They take it for granted thinking it can be replace but they made the mistake of thinking they can’t be replaced.
I’m not questioning your existence but I’m wondering where the fuck you been? I need your assistance and guidance, I’m trying find the answers to questions that lie within my soul. I’m asking you to grant my wishes like this is Christmas, and you’re that guy from the North Pole who comes around every December. You already know I live in a constant state of depression, it’s my best friend. My physical health is declining. I feel like some of these doctors are lying or they don’t give a fuck about what happens to me. I thought if I believed in you, you would provide my life with blessings until my dying days. Maybe I’m asking too much of you or maybe I’m being a fool to think that I could use you as my personal wish tool. In fact let’s tell the truth, I’m so consumed and full of myself with my head stuck up my own ass I don’t even notice my own wealth. When I asked for eternal happiness you provided me with two kids. And when I asked for a soulmate you presented one with a twist. Timing is everything and you only show me what I’m ready to see. Patience is the key to unlocking the mysteries that perplex me. When I look back into the past and retrace the path in which I took, I realize you’ve been guiding, I’ve just been to unaware to even look. So I know it’s evident that I have more than enough evidence to prove that you exist. In fact I’ve been looking at it……
The mind of a genius with a tortured soul. Perceivably nice but still an egotistical asshole. Tethering between the lines of the hero and the villain. Playing both parts, I live somewhere in the middle.
A hopeless romantic who is filled with hope and romance. That is just ready to be release upon the woman of his dreams. Oh, where could she be? His heart is bursting at the seams. He believes that one day he will find the thing that which he seeks. Is it stupid to even believe in such a thing?
Take it back to when we were just 90’s kids playing Streets of Rage 2 on my Sega Genesis, I used to think, I was so happy to have days like this. You were my first best friend. The main person I wanted to play with. I could of never imagined it ever being any different. But as you got older our interest began to differ. You wanted your privacy, you shut the door on me. I sat in the hallway on the floor crying. We used to get into fights as you chased me around the house. All because I would annoy you and say slick shit out my mouth. But I just wanted your attention. And not to mention, I didn’t understand that you were a young growing women. Five years apart, we were on different paths and I was too young to even recognize that. Next thing I knew you were off to college seeking higher knowledge. It never struck me that me and my sister would grow apart. Just know that you will always be the first love in my heart. Our journeys took us on different roads far from each other. And even tho we are not as close as we once were I will always love you. I will forever be your brother!
With my passport secure I’m ready to disappear. Travel the world and see new sights that some may find obscure. To go to new places and experience new cultures, expand my awareness and bring forth a new person. A different perspective is definitely worth searching for, to see things that you’ve only seen on your phone screen. While you sit at home watching Internet tv. You see I plan to make those dreams into a reality. I’m not going to wait for the world to come to me. Grab the opportunity and live my life free.