Emotions run deep, I think of you constantly. Always on my mind you make me so damn happy. Publicly I never speak of you and me because things work better when they are kept privately. Cautiously I navigate through this life trying my best not to make mistakes or dwell on the thoughts and events of past days. You’re special to me and you get the upmost deserving treatment, more than I have done before. It’s different now because you are the one I truly care for. You are the one who I will always be there for. I pray for a great outcome but life is crazy and you don’t know what it has in store for you. You’re beautiful and incredible though you don’t like compliments, I only speak facts. This is just my observation. To say I’ve been waiting for someone like you is an over statement. Let’s build and grow this into something amazing. Pay the outsiders no attention because they only mention things that they don’t comprehend. They fail to see the potential. This is my attempt to write something displaying my emotions but more than words is what you deserve. So I’ll let my actions speak louder. I hope they are heard……..
I’m sure a lot of my friends and people who read this will probably be upset that I’m saying this, some will call me a sellout or Uncle Tom but fuck it lol. I don’t get why people will go protest another group’s protest. That’s setting yourself up for conflict. That’s way too many emotions gather in one area. Like if the KKK wants to protest at city hall for an issue why would people go there the same day to oppose it. Why not do your own rally at a different day or someone where else. You may not like someone’s opinion but at least respect it. When there’s a BLM protest you have counter protestors. When there’s an pro Trunp rally you have counter protestors. But why? We are in the Digital Information Age and everyone’s thoughts and options can be heard in an instance. There are multiple outlets and platforms to voice your inalienable right to free speech. It doesn’t have to be at the same time that someone else does it. I am not speaking my opinion on the events that took place in Charlottesville only wondering in general about protests. I think it’s a fair question to ask.
Last year the girl I was with looked over my fence like Wilson did every time he was talking to Tim. My emotional wall was built up over years until I finally let someone in. Over a couple months it all came down then to my surprise the relationship ran into a dead end. I saw it all coming like a bad accident and I didn’t bother to even get caught up in my emotions. Though I was kinda pissed about how she did it I said ‘Fuck this shit!’ and went on about my business. I was determine to build my wall up again so fuckin tired of dealing with females, I don’t know if I even want them as friends. Never again, I’m not allowing anyone to penetrate my emotional defense. Things never turn out for the good so what’s the point in even taking a chance. To die alone a single man sounds like a decent plan. I’m note sure if I will ever find romance.
…….. As I write this I am still optimistic and I can imagine one day meeting the perfect woman. One that gets who I am and allows me to be me. She will be the one I tear down the wall for to build a life with. She will be the one I will allow love to let in, until then, it’s just a dream in my head.
Deep, it goes so deep. The emotions I put them away and now I can’t even weep. I haven’t shed a tear. Are you surprised to hear? That after what you did, I barely even care. The emotions I took them, placed them in a bag. With a draw string tie and then threw them in the trash. There’s no changing the past so don’t regret your mistake. You made the choice that you wanted to make, and you sacrificed our family just to have things go your way. I don’t know how we got here, standing at the cross roads again. Everyone has a comment but honestly they don’t know shit. Only me, you, and the kids know what it really is. Everybody else just provided their two cents. If it looks crazy from the outside, that’s because it is crazy on the inside. I didn’t sign up for this crazy ride. But just like a roller coaster the strap buckle has been pulled down. I’m stuck, so this is my life now, until I die. It’s hard to believe that I don’t even miss you but that has to be a lie since I keep having these sniffles. Or maybe it’s just allergies. It’s sad too see something potentially beautiful be ruin by ones own greed. It’s not a Disney movie so there is no perfect ending. We keep running in circles until the lesson is learned. Then and only then can we achieved what you long yearned for.
I want to write something to express my emotions. Too much to hold inside, I need to let it go before I loose control. I have to keep them in check. Which isn’t hard. I’ve been doing this for years and practice makes perfect. I want to tell them how I feel. I don’t care about their reactions. I’m doing this shit for my own satisfaction. I do want her but I don’t want you. I don’t want her and I don’t want you. Though whoever reads this might be confused just remember that I’m writing this for me and not for you. There’s not enough space in my head to have these thoughts cramed up in there. They need to escape. I won’t let them break me, I’m unbreakable. A young man wise beyond his years with a beautiful soul. Living out this human existence, experiencing as much as I can. My goal is to grow and learn from these lessons. I feel like the world is in my hands and it’s mine for the taking. This feeling is amazing. It comes from inside so nothing in this reality can deprive me from achieving that one thing we all want, peace of mind and tranquility. I reached the top of the mountain but please don’t call me King. I’m just a man like you are, no more no less. I’m going through this life trying to pass all the tests. And all I can do is give it my best.