I used to be like you, foolish and insecure. Unsure of my existence with no control of my emotions. A lack of vision that couldn’t see into the future, forgot the past, and unaware of my present. Living in ignorance, what a blissful inhabitance. Afraid of the world until I grabbed it by the neck and took control of it all. Now I have nothing but respect for the person that reflects back when I look at the glass. A man among boys, a king with no queen. A ruler of his own kingdom from now until eternity.
I was there for you. I stayed by your side. I was the epitome of a “ride or die”. But your pride took over and you forgot who was your #1 supporter. I imaged that we would grow older together now that pipe dream is gone and I’m left to wonder what could have been. You were more than my best friend, more than my lover, the love of my life… At least that’s what I thought when I went to sleep at night. What the hell was I thinking? Did love have me so blinded that I ignored the flashing red signs, I couldn’t see the logic behind all of this. But love is irrational so it all makes sense, that holding on to you for so long was stupid. It’s true what they say, love makes you do some dumb shit. Even though the “love” you had made you not choose me. So I finally get it, love is just another decision that someone makes and some people don’t appreciate it. They take it for granted thinking it can be replace but they made the mistake of thinking they can’t be replaced.
Take it back to when we were just 90’s kids playing Streets of Rage 2 on my Sega Genesis, I used to think, I was so happy to have days like this. You were my first best friend. The main person I wanted to play with. I could of never imagined it ever being any different. But as you got older our interest began to differ. You wanted your privacy, you shut the door on me. I sat in the hallway on the floor crying. We used to get into fights as you chased me around the house. All because I would annoy you and say slick shit out my mouth. But I just wanted your attention. And not to mention, I didn’t understand that you were a young growing women. Five years apart, we were on different paths and I was too young to even recognize that. Next thing I knew you were off to college seeking higher knowledge. It never struck me that me and my sister would grow apart. Just know that you will always be the first love in my heart. Our journeys took us on different roads far from each other. And even tho we are not as close as we once were I will always love you. I will forever be your brother!
I’m lonely inside. Up late at night with thoughts of suicide feeling hopelessness sitting next to me by my side. Depression is one of the best friends of mine. And I’m not afraid to speak of death because there’s no where you can hide. My thoughts run rapid like the flow of water from a broken dam. I apologize to all my family and friends but you must understand this is just the way that I am. No sympathy needed for me. As I speak the stress is release and I begin to feel free. No noose will ever be tied around my neck. I live for my kids so I’ll never die with regret.
Her hearts broken, she’s so confused. Trying to figure out her next move but she doesn’t know what to do. The dude she loved is gone, no longer is he around. Sadness is a permanent cloud that hangs over her head now. Raining down, her tears fall to the ground. She ponders if she will ever wear anything again that isn’t a frown. A blow to the chest the pressure makes it hard to breathe. The news caught her off guard, she had her suspicions but she’s in disbelief that this is happening. The ending of a relationship with the man she once thought she would call husband. Over a small but important decision that altered the lives of two human beings.
Through the struggle and depression a diamond surfaced or like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon to see the sunlight, she arose a new person. She holds her head up hide. Never let a guy or woman hold your happiness hostage. You are the ruler of you own existence. Be proud of the person you are because I’m proud to call you my friend. May you never let anyone ever bring you down again.
It’s love I desire. I aspire to find someone you will love me unconditionally for all of eternity. The love I seek is the love you see that happens on tv and lives in Disney movies. In search for my Bonnie, I’m looking for a queen. A woman who will stand by me with more or equal strength. I once believe that my dream was a reality but then time passed by and I realized that stage of my life was only a hurdle on the road of my journey. As I can continue to drive down my path that I have chosen to take, I pray for the day I find her on my way. My life is good without her but with her it could possibly be great. Don’t make the mistake that I need her to supply me with happiness. But if I had one wish I would wish for a woman who loves me beyond our final kiss.