I was there for you. I stayed by your side. I was the epitome of a “ride or die”. But your pride took over and you forgot who was your #1 supporter. I imaged that we would grow older together now that pipe dream is gone and I’m left to wonder what could have been. You were more than my best friend, more than my lover, the love of my life… At least that’s what I thought when I went to sleep at night. What the hell was I thinking? Did love have me so blinded that I ignored the flashing red signs, I couldn’t see the logic behind all of this. But love is irrational so it all makes sense, that holding on to you for so long was stupid. It’s true what they say, love makes you do some dumb shit. Even though the “love” you had made you not choose me. So I finally get it, love is just another decision that someone makes and some people don’t appreciate it. They take it for granted thinking it can be replace but they made the mistake of thinking they can’t be replaced.
I’m not questioning your existence but I’m wondering where the fuck you been? I need your assistance and guidance, I’m trying find the answers to questions that lie within my soul. I’m asking you to grant my wishes like this is Christmas, and you’re that guy from the North Pole who comes around every December. You already know I live in a constant state of depression, it’s my best friend. My physical health is declining. I feel like some of these doctors are lying or they don’t give a fuck about what happens to me. I thought if I believed in you, you would provide my life with blessings until my dying days. Maybe I’m asking too much of you or maybe I’m being a fool to think that I could use you as my personal wish tool. In fact let’s tell the truth, I’m so consumed and full of myself with my head stuck up my own ass I don’t even notice my own wealth. When I asked for eternal happiness you provided me with two kids. And when I asked for a soulmate you presented one with a twist. Timing is everything and you only show me what I’m ready to see. Patience is the key to unlocking the mysteries that perplex me. When I look back into the past and retrace the path in which I took, I realize you’ve been guiding, I’ve just been to unaware to even look. So I know it’s evident that I have more than enough evidence to prove that you exist. In fact I’ve been looking at it……
A hopeless romantic who is filled with hope and romance. That is just ready to be release upon the woman of his dreams. Oh, where could she be? His heart is bursting at the seams. He believes that one day he will find the thing that which he seeks. Is it stupid to even believe in such a thing?
I’m lonely inside. Up late at night with thoughts of suicide feeling hopelessness sitting next to me by my side. Depression is one of the best friends of mine. And I’m not afraid to speak of death because there’s no where you can hide. My thoughts run rapid like the flow of water from a broken dam. I apologize to all my family and friends but you must understand this is just the way that I am. No sympathy needed for me. As I speak the stress is release and I begin to feel free. No noose will ever be tied around my neck. I live for my kids so I’ll never die with regret.
Her hearts broken, she’s so confused. Trying to figure out her next move but she doesn’t know what to do. The dude she loved is gone, no longer is he around. Sadness is a permanent cloud that hangs over her head now. Raining down, her tears fall to the ground. She ponders if she will ever wear anything again that isn’t a frown. A blow to the chest the pressure makes it hard to breathe. The news caught her off guard, she had her suspicions but she’s in disbelief that this is happening. The ending of a relationship with the man she once thought she would call husband. Over a small but important decision that altered the lives of two human beings.
Through the struggle and depression a diamond surfaced or like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon to see the sunlight, she arose a new person. She holds her head up hide. Never let a guy or woman hold your happiness hostage. You are the ruler of you own existence. Be proud of the person you are because I’m proud to call you my friend. May you never let anyone ever bring you down again.
I signed that contract and now it’s time to take my life back. In fact, let’s do the math, I gave you more than that. I gave you all the time that I should have spent with my kids. And to no one’s surprise, you don’t even give a shit. You fucked up my pay and destroyed the place where I stayed. After you had already sent me far away. You tell the world that I’m a hero but you and I know the truth. I’m just a kid that you use and abuse. I’m so sick and tired of all your rules. The confusing games you play when you pretend to care about me. But I’m just a name on a page that can easily be replaced. No memory or recollection will ever be made. Once I’m gone, I’m gone, until the day I hit the grave and you place that flag over my casket. And have those bastards play your music, then with a salute you send me away for good.